OUT.

I very rarely blog about myself. Since I started this business I have kind of left myself out of everything, for a very long time I didnt even let anyone know what my name was. I guess you could say that Im a private person and that I dont like people to know about my personal life. But I have something to say and I guess here is the place to say it.

I dont even know where to start this post, this is something I never thought I would be typing. So I guess Im going to start from the beginning and go from there. I was born in the early 90s to a perfect family. I had a loving and accepting mom and dad who went out of their way to make sure that my brother, sister, and I had the most perfect childhood. And we did. I could sit here and tell you 100 stories about how amazing my childhood was. We went to church as a family every Sunday, listened to Bible songs when we were in the car, and prayed as a family every night. It was literally a dream childhood.

When I entered my 4th grade school year I guess I was expecting it to be like any other school year. I expected to have lots of friends and have fun like I always had. But for some reason at this age is when alot of things changed and I still dont really know 100% why. For some reason I went from being just like every other kid to being “different” to everyone. Kids that I used to laugh and have fun with were no longer speaking to me. This was the year that I was called the name that would eventually torment me for the next decade. “Gay”.

From then on my childhood became much harder. I became the target, I became the floor mat, I became the fag. I was tormented by kids I never spoke to all because I acted a little different. I then decided to change everything about myself. Change the way I walk, the way I talk, the people I associated with, every single thing about me. There was no more happy-go-lucky childhood for me, it became a constant struggle to fit in and not stand out.

Nothing I did worked though, the teasing and bullying only got worse. I was stuck and didnt know what to do. When I reached the 8th grade was when I realized the truth about myself and finally accepted it as truth.

Im gay.

Its weird to even type that. That is something I never thought I would say. Once I came to this conclusion, though, everything kind of went into a downward spiral. I was so unhappy. I didnt know why I was this way and desperately wanted to change. I went to a Christian school that was very anti gay. I was taught in Bible class that if someone was gay they fell into one of 2 categories: 1) They chose it because they are either perverted or wanted attention or 2) They are demon possessed. I didnt chose it, I would have never chosen it. So that left me with the second option.

For years I would cry myself to sleep thinking that I was demon possessed. I would pray and pray and ask God why he would allow this to happen to me and for him to please take it away. I would go to church every Sunday with my family and listen to the pastor make fun of gay people and say things like “Even the rats and cockroaches know how to have sex! We are the smartest living things on this planet and you want to tell me that there are people that cant even get that right!?” All this time the congregation is roaring in laughter. I would go to my schools chapel services and hear speakers say things like “A closet is where you hang your clothes, not where weird people come out of”. I was taught over and over by everyone to hate gay people, that they were the most disgusting human beings.

That hatred that I was taught led to me hating myself for being this way. It also led to alot of confusion. I couldnt wrap my brain around how one day in Bible class the lesson was about gossiping and how “we all do it” and how thankfully we have a forgiving God who loves us, then the next day I felt like I was in a class room full of Westburo Baptist Church members. I felt doomed and damned because of something that wasnt chosen for myself. I was so sad all the time, felt so lost and so abandoned.

One day I was headed to my P.E. class when I was 16. Our “locker room” was the boys bathroom and I made it there before anyone else. I walked in and went into a stall and began to change into my PE clothes. No one knew I was in there when the other 60 or so boys came in. Im getting ready to open the door when I hear one of the guys announce to the other boys “Is anyone else glad that Hunter Leone isnt in here?! Seriously I dont understand why this school would make us change in front of a fag. He should go change with the girls”.

My hand let go of the stall door knob and I just stood there, I was going to wait on this on guy (who I have never spoken to) to leave so I could try to sneak out without anyone seeing me. Well within seconds of him making his speach about me every single guy in the room was talking about me and how gay I am and how I shouldnt be at a Christian school. None of them knowing that Im in the room and none of them knowing I can hear every word.

I thought to myself “Hunter why are you even doing this anymore? You are living this life of a hell to only die and then go to real hell? Just speed up the process.” I knew that I was basically “born to die”, there was no chance for me to make it to heaven so why am I even still trying? I remember thinking “I would probably prefer to be in hell over being here. Because at least in hell everyone is suffering, not just me in a stall by myself”.

That was the closest I ever came to suicide. I cut class, went home, wrote a suicide note to everyone apologizing for the embarrassment that I have caused all of them for being gay, and had the gun in my right hand. The only reason I didnt is because right before I pulled the trigger I realized that my 12 year old sister would be the one to find me when she got home from school. And even though I had a ruined life, I couldnt ruin hers.

I was desperate to change. I worked as a bag boy at a grocery store and saved up several hundred dollars to secretly buy a program that teaches gay people to become straight. Didnt work obviously. I read things like “Just start acting straight and everything else will eventually come” but I had been doing that my whole life. “Pray that youll be healed” been doing that too. I literally had done everything and nothing worked.

I was told to “Just live a straight life style, thats what God wants for you. Youll probably have more jewels on your crown and a bigger mansion in heaven for obeying and fighting temptations”.

Around this time is when I met Brittney Methvin. She was sweet and pretty and had a very similar type of personality as me. We became best friends and I began to think “Ok so I can totally do this, I can totally just be married to her”. So after a year of dating I proposed. We got married 6 months later and in the beginning it was great. We got along and laughed constantly. I was finally getting to the point where I felt like God would finally approve of me.

I started my business and the “success is the best revenge” mindset is why I worked so hard to get my business where its at. Everything was finally looking up for me. The bullies from school were trying to be my friends, I had a happy marriage and a perfect baby, I had a successful business and on the outside Im sure everything looked like it could be a movie on a perfect couples life.

But there was one problem… I was still gay. It never went away.

Think about it this way, say that you have curly hair and say that alot of people get offended by your curly hair and that in the Bible it says that people who have curly hair are sinners because of it. So every morning you wake up and pull out your flat iron and you straighten your hair every single day. Perfect! Now your hair is straight and you fit in. But the only problem is your hair is always going to be curly, its what you were born with. Thats how being gay is.

Eventually my wife and I realized that we just couldnt be together, I couldnt give her what she deserved from a husband. Luckily she is still one of my best friends and we get along now better than ever. Im finally to the point of my life where Im ready to be happy for once, to be at peace for once.

I know that some of you reading this are disgusted and appalled that they have been following a homos work. But Im to the point where I can honestly say “I couldnt care less”. Because Im done swimming up the current and fighting a life that I will never win. I know that I will probably not change the minds of many people when it comes to the issues of being gay but I am here to say it is not a choice. I told my mom I was this way when I was 4 years old.

Im not trying to change your opinions of being gay, all that I ask is that you will learn how to be a little more kind. Gay people have lives that you couldnt even imagine. Its lives filled with confusion and heart ache that, to many, it is unbearable.

So, just for a second, I want you to think. Imagine that tonight you crawled into your bed a fell asleep. You wake up tomorrow and walk outside to begin your day. But something is different, you now live in a world where men are attracted to men and women are attracted to women. But youre still attracted to the opposite sex, like you were before you got in bed last night.

But then you find out that in this world thats a sin and that you chose to be attracted to the opposite sex and that youre going to hell. That people go out of their way to make fun of you and that you cant marry the person you love because you getting married will ruin the sanctity of their third marriage. And that its acceptable in society to treat you like youre a “lesser version” of a human being because thats what you are. Youre the “mutt” of the human species.

That would suck right? Well, I have good news! Change! So on the count of three you need to be attracted to the same gender in this world, so that you can fit in. Ready? 1….2….3! Youre good now right??

This is the world a gay person lives in. This is what a gay person has to deal with every day. I know Im going to lose some followers for this and I know Im going to get some hate but all I ask is that you put yourself in a gay persons shoes and imagine how difficult that life could be.

So when you comment on this all those Bible verses, keep in mind that gay people know those verses by heart and have cried over those verses thousands of times. Im not asking you to accept this, Im not asking you to become an LGBT advocate. Im just asking you to think.

Think about the message youre giving when you hold up your picket signs in front of a gay wedding and youre no where to be found at the court house when someone is filing for divorce. All I ask is that you be more kind when it comes to this topic. Gay people arent all walking around in speedos and rainbow feather boas, we want to be just like you. We want to, for once, feel… normal.

Im still the same Hunter, I still take the same pictures and edit the same way. I havent changed at all, you just know more about me that you did before.

-Hunter Leone

(This post is originally from Sept 14, 2014 when I first came out. Resharing now for my new blog)